Helping Friends Through Hard Times

Thoughts on overcoming depression and anxiety

The field of mental health has come a long way in the last few decades. I remember a time when depression and anxiety were hardly even considered real diseases, much less having any idea how to treat them. Fast forward to today, and modern medical professionals both understand them, and thanks to several high profile criminal cases, we take them seriously.

Even 10 years ago, the relationship between these disorders and our lifestyle were not truly understood. I remember a time fairly recently when the idea that diet and exercise could affect your health was ridiculed by many in the medical profession, yet now it seems that most will at least consider them. The undeniable facts of life are that our diet and our lack of physical exercise are the biggest contributors to our overall health. In no single area is this more fundamental than our mental health and well being.

When we are depressed or anxious, (or a combination of the two, as is often the case) our brain chemistry changes, and we do not operate as our normal selves. Over time we can become changed so much that we experience a new normal in brain chemistry, and as a result what may have been a situational issue transforms into a chronic disease.

Let’s take the example of someone with a physical injury that prevents them from being active like others are. I have a few close friends and family members that are in this position for various reasons. Due to causes outside their control, they cannot do things that you or I may take for granted. When not pressed, these people will often revert to the most comfortable lifestyle they can, which is often quite sedentary. The process snowballs from there.

Sedentary lifestyle changes the chemistry of the body. Often this is accompanied by weight gain, and diet changes that add to the unhealthy situation. Drugs, alcohol, excessive sugar consumption, and other substances that we humans use to cope with life will further add to the downward spiral. With or without them the slippery slope of human biochemistry gets further out of balance. Unfortunately for many, these problems are often only noticed once our loved one (or ourselves) are so far down the slope that we have ceased to care about important activities in life, or we may have made choices that make it infinitely harder to get back up the slope.

Many of the limiting choices come readily to mind. Things like drug addictions, unhealthy relationships, and criminal activity can certainly limit the ability people have to heal from their health concerns and rebuild their lives. Since these are so obvious, and so well understood, I don’t really want to talk about them. Instead I am concerned with smaller things that are easier to affect, yet still get in the way. These can include limiting beliefs, bad habits, unrealistic expectations and the like.

I grew up in a fundamentalist Mormon family. Even though my parents were considered quite progressive among others in our group, many of their ideas were quite backward. Looking back through the lens of time I see that many of the ideas that they held were limiting both their health and their economic success, thus further limiting their health. To this day my dad still is involved in seemingly every Multi Level Nutritional company that comes out. I would guess he probably goes through an average of three per year or so. Unfortunately he never looks at the science behind the claims that these companies make. About a year ago I asked him about this. His reply was that since the FDA was corrupt, he didn’t trust any third party testing of nutritional products. While I do agree that the US FDA probably does have a certain level of institutional corruption, that is no reason to discount the millions of scientists globally that study health and nutrition. Yet that was exactly the belief system that he had built. As a result of that series of faulty ideas, any clinical evidence that I present to him about nutrition he discounts as not credible. In May of 2010, a research team at the university of California -San Diego published a study that linked a decrease in the symptoms of certain forms of senility, Alzheimers and dementia to consumption of high doses of niacin and pyrixodine. This was one of the first peer reviewed studies that showed that Alzheimer’s and dementia could be reversed by high doses of B Group Vitamins. My thinking is that this type of information is something that an avowed health nut would want to know about. Because it was a peer reviewed study though, he dismissed it as propaganda. His limiting beliefs stood in the way of better health. At the same time he seems ready to believe even the most farfetched claims if they come from his MLM upline guru with no degrees whatsoever.

His is an extreme case, lets look at something a bit more mild; Food Choices.

Another close friend of mine has a hard time eating certain foods because of their look, taste and especially texture. As a result some of the best fruits and vegetables for better health are off limits. She works hard to incorporate better foods into her family’s diet, yet with so many off limits due to personal beliefs and preferences there is a constant challenge in how to add the needed diversity of fresh foods.

One my friends that I grew up with has a belief that the only foods that should be eaten are those that have seeds that propagate the plant from year to year. While this may seem harmless, it puts off limits any plants that we propagate by cuttings or cloning. Did you know that potatoes are strawberries are generally cloned? We take cuttings of one plant, and they turn into new plants. Because this is the common way that we get our plants for food production, there are entire swaths of the grocery store that he won’t touch.

It’s hard to take advantage of all that life has to offer when we limit ourselves so much. I do it too though. One of the limiting factors that I am struggling with is my aversion to sports and gyms. I’m still trying to sort this one out, but I experience a lot of anxiety whenever I try to engage in sports or other common methods of working out. Due to my work however I have always been rather fit. As both a farmer and carpenter, I get quite a bit of physical exercise. The idea of going to a gym to work out however brings quite a bit of dread, as does the idea of playing any type of organized sports activity. It’s tough to get in shape when the gym scares you. My fix for that however is doing yoga at home. It serves the dual purpose of helping me tone and build muscle, while at the same time stretching out sore muscles from my other work.

The decision to change our lives to a more healthy lifestyle is a personal one. In a perfect world scenario, people that are fighting depression, anxiety, and other health problems would know what they need to do to fix their problems. They would automatically start eating better, exercising regularly and going to their doctor for more information about better health.

Here in the real world however, life doesn’t work that way. People that are in the midst of depression and anxiety often do not have the ability to see what they can do to change their lives. Hopelessness is a common symptom of these disorders, and pulling yourself up by the bootstraps is not typically the hallmark of someone that is depressed. They need help and support. As friends and family we have the unique ability to give them the help and support that they need.

If the solutions that we have however do not fit within their beliefs they won’t work. The solutions have to be tailored to them in order for them to work. Fix your loved one a meal that they would enjoy, but that has been modified to be a little bit more healthy. Take them on a walk, or to the park. Do something that is a small step in the right direction. It is in the small steps that the magic happens to help those in situations like this. Often them knowing that there are those around them that care will affect them positively as well. In addition, the additional activity, better food and inevitable research and study will be good for you too.

Keep your head up, You can do this!